Here's the article that the Journal Gazette did on Re-Union.

 Couples

Posted on Saturday, June 11th, 2005

2 anniversaries

mark couple’s enduring love

By Nancy Vendrely

The Journal Gazette

Dave and Kathy Foreman celebrate two marriage dates. Their first was May 5, 1979. Their second was Oct. 1, 2000. They call that their re-union day, and they call the music ministry that grew out of it Re-Union Ministries.

The story that connects the two – both the dates and the couple – is one of faith and hopelessness, love and despair, anguish and contentment – a virtual spectrum of human emotions and circumstances.

Most couples wouldn’t want to publicly share such personal information, and Kathy was reluctant to do so, but Dave convinced her that what they went through can help others, and for the past two years they have shared their story and their music in concert a half-dozen times.

“He convinced me that we had not gone through what we went through just for our own benefit, that we had been put in a place and had these experiences to let us help other people, so I’ve come around to his way of thinking,” Kathy says.

A woman of few, but well-chosen, words, Kathy is the calm center of this relationship.

Dave is super-charged, loquacious and full of enthusiasm.

When they first met in Bluffton, they were considered “Jesus freaks,” Dave says.

“That’s the term people used. It was the ’70s, and it was in the early days of contemporary Christian music. What you hear now on WBCL, many traditional Christian churches then thought was heresy,” Dave says. “It was considered demon rock music.”

Dave had long hair and worked at a Christian coffee shop/book store called The Fishnet, where “we were trying to reach the street kids – people who lived the way some of us used to live.”

The shop was owned by the Christian Center of Markle, a church that Dave and Kathy and their friends were all a part of.

Kathy Reiff had grown up in Bluffton, an only, adopted child. She studied piano from age 5 to 14, sang in school and church choirs and was a vocalist for a top-40 cover band for a few years after high school. When she and Dave were introduced by a mutual friend, she had a young son from a previous marriage.

Dave says he was a reluctant and miscast farm boy. At age 5, he was adopted by his stepgrandparents who moved him from Michigan to their farm near Poneto.

“I never knew my birth father, and when my mother and my stepfather divorced, his parents adopted me. … I grew up with hay fever, so farm life was miserable for me. … I was a scrawny little kid who was supposed to be a farm boy, and I got beat up and picked on a lot.”

Dave says he fell in with “the trouble-making kids” in high school. “I was a very confused youth. I don’t know whether I corrupted my friends or they corrupted me,” he says. However it happened, Dave ended up at Indiana Youth Center, the state correctional facility, at age 16. He finished high school there.

When he was released, Dave went back to his old crowd and his old habits until one night when he was hitchhiking home.

“Some Christian kids picked me up in their van to give me a ride, and they started witnessing to me. I moved in with them and their family in Bluffton shortly after that.”

That association led him to the Christian Center in Markle and a changed life.

Dave and Kathy were part of a group of young people who did everything together but were not dating. Some were employed; some were not. They had three working cars among them.

“The way we really got together was that one night we had all decided to go to the movies, and then, one by one, for one reason or another, everybody dropped out except the two of us,” Kathy says. “So we ended up going on our own.”

“That was our first date, and I didn’t even know it was a date until it was over with,” Dave says.

Well, maybe a little before that – he asked to hold her hand on the way home.

Less than a year later, they were married in the park in Markle. They settled into family life with Kathy’s son, and when the Christian Center folded, began attending Christian Praise and Fellowship Church in Fort Wayne, where they remain today. They moved to their tidy bungalow on Fort Wayne’s near south side in 1992.

Five years later, they separated.

“I had begun to be unfaithful to my wife,” Dave says. “I had issues that had never been settled, and I came to believe there was nothing I could do to make a difference in who I was or how I behaved, especially since I’d spent all this time in church. … If I’m not going to be faithful, I might as well leave the relationship.

“I started hanging out with people I shouldn’t have, and I started getting back into drugs like I had been in my youth.”

Kathy was blindsided – angry and devastated.

After about two months, they got back together, but, Kathy says, “We didn’t deal with any of the issues.”

“We just got back together and hoped it would work out, which was a big mistake,” Dave says.

“I didn’t want to talk about it; I just wanted to put it behind us and go on,” Kathy says.

They stayed together, uneasily, for a year.

“I was looking for an escape hatch, and she was thinking this is as good as it gets, but at least we’re going to keep what we’ve got, and I won’t lose that.

“We both knew it wasn’t working, but we were taking two different approaches to it.

Mine was escape,” Dave says, “and hers was denial.”

Believing he could never be “the man God wanted” him to be, Dave gave up the struggle. He said, “I’m through with my marriage, I’m through with church, I’m through with God, my family, my friends. I’m going to go start a whole new life as somebody else.”

He moved out right before their 19th wedding anniversary in 1998, but they weren’t divorced until June 2000.

“I had what I wanted so I was in no hurry to go through the legalities,” Dave says. “I really only cared about what I wanted and what I was doing. The ultimate selfishness.”

Meanwhile, Kathy struggled with explaining to others.

“It was very difficult because I’m a very private person. I had to be upfront and say this is what happened. … I didn’t want people’s sympathy, but you do have to tell people something. ‘Where’s Dave?’ ‘Well, Dave moved out.’ ”

Still, she kept hoping for reconciliation. She had been praying throughout the bitter times, at first for reconciliation and then, as the separation went on, she says, “I just began to pray that God would work in David’s mind and heart, whatever needed to be accomplished.”

After the divorce was final, Kathy says she finally decided, “OK, this isn’t going to happen; I’m going to move on.” And then Dave started to phone her, and for the first time, they began to talk about all the issues and feelings they had pushed below the surface of their relationship.

Dave says the phone calls started when he reached a point of total hopelessness. “I was partying all the time, into the drug thing and it just kept spiraling downhill until I was at the point of hating myself, contemplating suicide.

“It was through one of those hopeless nights of crying myself to sleep that God spoke to me and gave me hope. I didn’t know what that meant or where it would go from there, but it was basically him doing what Kathy did, letting me know that I was still loved.

“This woman was praying the whole time. All I can say is that the prayers of this woman and the intervention of God made it happen because I was never looking to reconcile. … I was finished with it. But the steadfast prayers of this godly woman and God’s intervening on my heart,” made it happen.

“She just kept loving me, which is unthinkable. To be hurt that way and treated that way and to still have that steadfast love.”

They talked throughout the summer and early fall, and by the time they remarried on Oct. 1, 2000, Kathy says they had either resolved or figured out how to address all the issues they had been harboring. Dave says they were “brutally honest with each other.”

Communication, forgiveness and commitment are key. It’s still not easy, but it’s vital. They don’t want to repeat past mistakes.

“Both of us hate conflict and complications, so we never talked about anything when it happened. I would hold onto everything until I blew up at some point, and then he would run away,” Kathy says. “We never learned how to argue, so we had a lot of communication issues.”

They went through counseling at Christian Counseling Services and Dave says he firmly believes that “God re-established the union he created.”

“Because I do believe with all my heart, as does she, that God put us together to begin with. We still count our first marriage as our anniversary.”

Since their remarriage, Dave and Kathy, both 50, have continued to be active at their church. Ordained a licensed minister by Christian Praise and Fellowship, he is an elder and the worship leader; she is the accompanist. They have had training through the American Association of Christian Counselors and do Bible-based couples counseling at their church.

“We are not licensed counselors,” Dave says. “If we feel we’re out of our league, we send them to Christian Counseling Services. … Even among Christians, more than half divorce. We’re trying to show there is hope.”

Dave and Kathy recently released a CD, “Inside Out,” which contains many original songs by Dave. Both play keyboards and sing on the album. It is available at Anchor Room Book Store and at their Web site, www.reunionsingers .com.

Dave works at General Motors and Kathy works at Shilling Sales. Although they devote a lot of time to Re-Union Ministries and their church, they try to work in some fun times, too. Both enjoy the theater, eating out or just walking in the park.

“I feel we kept the good and the fun and then went deeper and became a closer couple,” Dave says. “I hate doing anything without her now. … I think we’re both content.”

“We joke about being in a rut, but we like our rut,” Kathy says.

“I hate what we had to go through, but I wouldn’t trade where we are now,” he says, and Kathy nods in agreement.

He says/She says

Pluses

Dave: “Her unwavering steadfastness is a blessing. Her faith and how she persevered through all that (separation and divorce) – that’s one of the major things I admire.”

Kathy: “His care and support. He’s always looking out for me and encouraging me in whatever I do. (He’s) my cheerleader.”

Peeves:

Kathy: “I’ve got it narrowed down to about 20. (Laughter ensues.) Most of his traits I find endearing, but he loses things. He’s always looking for something – his wallet, his glasses. It’s a mystery.”

Dave: “I don’t multitask but my mind is in 10 places at once.” (He once reached for his wallet in his back pocket and pulled out their portable phone. And, the missing remote control? In the freezer.)

As for Dave’s pet peeve about Kathy: “Her procrastination. I’m a planner. I have to know what I’m doing a month from now. She puts things off to the last minute. Say we have a program to prepare for. The night before, it’s ‘I don’t ” know this song.’

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WE  BELIEVE 

God

We believe in one eternal God who exists in three persons:  Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. We believe this Holy God is the Creator and Sustainer of all things.

Jesus

Jesus Christ is God, the living Word, who became flesh through His miraculous conception by the Holy Spirit and His virgin birth. Hence, He is perfect Deity and true humanity united in one person.  He lived a sinless life and voluntarily atoned for the sins of men by dying on the cross as their substitute, thus satisfying divine justice and accomplishing salvation for all who trust in Him alone.  He rose from the dead.  He ascended into heaven and sat down at the right hand of God the Father, where He is the only mediator between God and man.  Jesus Christ is the Head of the Church, His Body, which is composed of all who have been joined to Him through saving faith.

Holy Spirit

We believe that the Holy Spirit is God. We believe the Holy Spirit was sent by the Father in Jesus’ name to teach and remind us of Christ’s words and to convict us of sin. We believe the Holy Spirit brings about the new birth and at the point of salvation, comes to live inside the believer and seals our salvation.  We believe in the active ministry of the Holy Spirit, Who provides the power to overcome temptation, defeat sin, produce righteousness, and provides gifts for each believer use to build up the body and carry out the purposes of the church.

Bible

We believe that the Bible is God’s inspired written Word, and that it is inerrant in its original manuscripts.  We believe that when the Bible is used as a book of rules, God's truth becomes distorted, and religious bondage follows.  The Bible is God's love letter, and the history of how He deals with his people.  It must be taken in context as a whole.  We don't believe God ever intended the written Word to replace the leading of the Living Word.

We believe the focus of  scripture is Jesus.  (John 5:39)

People

We believe that all people are created in the image of God. We believe that because of Adam’s sin, all people are sinful by nature and choice. We believe people, unless they have experienced forgiveness in Christ, are lost and alienated from God.

Salvation

The salvation of man is wholly a work of God’s free grace and is not the work, in whole or in part, of human works or goodness or religious ceremony. God imputes His righteousness to those who repent of their sin and put their faith in Christ alone for their salvation, and thereby justifies them in His sight.  It is the privilege of all who are born again of the Spirit to be assured of their salvation from the very moment in which they trust Christ as their Savior. This assurance is not based upon any kind of human merit, but is produced by the witness of the Holy Spirit.

Church

We believe no one person possesses all truth, and we, therefore, need each other.  We believe the focus of all of life is relationship with God.  We believe in the basics, but that there are many other areas of difference where we must offer each other much latitude and grace.  Throughout the ages, and even more recently, the Church has allowed belief systems to separate, divide, and break relationships.   

We believe that the church’s primary purpose is to glorify Christ. We believe the church is made up of all who believe on the Lord Jesus.  We believe that God has gifted each member of the church to fulfill the purposes of the church. Church is not a building, place, or an event.  It is the people of God.

Eternity

We believe in the resurrection of the body and that believers will enjoy eternal life.